You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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