What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
