Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
