That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
