i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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