When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
