Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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