So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
