It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
