im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.