suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
