perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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