The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
