Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Randomize
