So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
