We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
