after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
