He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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