mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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