If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
