i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
