Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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