I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
