best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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