you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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