So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like iHOP with fire
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
