did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
