My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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