Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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