i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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