brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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