At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
