yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
