fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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