So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
