just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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