well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
