alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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