Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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