your thong is hanging out like whoa
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
