i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
