i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
