hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
