STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
