I puked a lego.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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