i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
