you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
