Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
