Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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