pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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