I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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