this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
