Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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