They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
