they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
