He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize