he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
