I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
