he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
