Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
