Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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