how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
