I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
