You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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