i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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