I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
