Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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